Like This?

Dazed and Confused just released there October 2010 playlist.
I Like most of it.
Love a lot of it
dis like some of it.
make up your own mind:: Click here to Go To the Playlist

my mind is stuck in the mud HELLP MEEEEE

I have been the most cynical hater stick in the mud for the past 2 months or so
and I don't like it.
I want my happy positive self back.
as of now I say:
I don't like anyone
Everyone is fake.
I do not want any friends.
I don't love anyone and no one loves me.

Allll of those things are sucky.
And i know I don't mean any of it.
But my mind is just so stuck in it.
and i don't know how to crawl out.
well actually I do.
I just have to do it.
I just have to say FUCK YOU NEGATIVITY YOU CANT TAKE MY SOUL!!

but here is the real deal. what is really going on:

I have epilepsy. 
and I have been in denial about it for the past....forever.
I dont want to have it.
I am angry that I have it.
It is getting worse.
AND my doctor said I have to take this HORRID horrible horrible medicine called depakote.
it sucks. it makes me feel bad. mentally and physically,
my skin gets dry and I turn into an alligator.
I have no energy and I turn into a zombie
I have no patience and I turn into a bitch
my hair thins. suicidal thoughts come in and life becomes a chore.
and everyday I wake up wishing i could close my eyes and sink into the darkness.
I don't know what to do.
I don't know how to fix it,
I don't know who to turn to.
I don't know who to talk to.
I am way depresssed. and i don't want to be, I need to get better.
i need to feel better.
today I am going to really try and feel better.
 i know it dangerous. but i have decided not to take the medicine.
i rather just hav epilepsy and sometimes twitch and fall down and also feel happy and alive
then be a zombie girl with no twitches and no soul.
ya know what i mean?
and there are tears welling up in my eyes right now. because I just dont want to be sad about this anymore.
where did my happy heart go?


ok okok. im not ok. but i will be sooner then later. i know it. it has to be true.

ZOMBIE ZOMBIE

long live the FURIE

Matt Furie('s art) on the cover of Giant Robot this month
 I lub him
and guess what!
It comes with a cd rom computer gamer designed by him
  yess, so great.