An hour ago my heart beat with love and now it beats with fear.
how can this happen and why
and why to me
and why now
what have I done.
who have I hurt
i swear i dont deserve this. and I thought that so long as I lived my life right things wouldnt come back to this and I was so wrong and i feel like throwing up.
before a few hours ago I was so happy. I was ready to quit drinking/smoking/doing drugs. I was ready to go back to school ready to leave all my dead weight behind and go back to the way it was before.
and now i just dont know. I cant think. I cant breath. FUCKKKKK
my dad is a peice of shit
and some can say oh its not his fault. he has a disease. he is sick.
and I say NO fuck that. he is a mentally unstable drunk peice of shit
abusing his new girlfriend now. and his own mother
and my grandmother came to me (MEEEE?) for help
but she is fucked up too
a drunk and a liar and a victim always
and As she told me her story and asked me for help all I could think is why are you aasking me for help
I am a 20 year old girl there is nothing I can do and she says well you are his daughter maybe you can help him maybe you can make him change
and there I am like....ummmm
yeah the same daughter he had walked out on time and time agian even tried killing once.
whatthefuckever.
im so SICK of this
i cant do it. i cant fix it. and I want nothing to do with it. It is out of my hands.
the minute I get up they push me back down and i cant do this. anymore
I dont care anymore
I have 2 choices stay and get dragged through the mud
or walk away forget and never look back
its hot in here. is this a mistake
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