Eric Kvam died on 4.20 this year.
I wrote and published this post immediately after it happened but took it off soon after becuz I wasnt ready to share how I felt about it.....
Eric died.
It has been a humongous loss that I don't think I will ever get over.
He was my high school sweet heart. and we were bf+gf about a year ago.
and I felt bad when I heard that he died because when I broke up with him I didn't tell him that I was breaking up. I just stopped talking to him. Stopped answering his calls. Didn't answer the door when he came to visit...ect. And one day while the separation was happening he was under my window throwing pebbles up to get my attention and at one point he said " I know you still love me, That's why you won't talk to me..." and It was true. I did still love him. I always have. always will. I loved him from the moment I met him, in 7th grade, at the movie theaters.
I always told my mom that i was going to marry him. We were always sneaking each other into each others rooms at night. or going out into the desert to party in his van. GOSH. I always thought we would be there for each other, to watch each other grow up and get old. but now he is dead and he will never get old.
it makes me sick.
and going through this loss has changed my perspective in so many ways on so many things.
I had never lost anyone so important to me before this.
very new feeling. indeed.
his mom has been posting some of the stuff he had written in journals and what not, that she had found while cleaning out his room:
London
Rainy and wet side of the world
Gatherer of British history
Castles constructed from thousands of years ago
interesting, mesmerizing and unique.
City of the Fish and Chips.
It is said that the weather is rainy and foggy
and I know for fact it is true,
For I have seen the mist and fog float around
for hours on end.
And the tell me of the horrible food that exists
around every corner,
For I've seen the slop that is piled generously
onto your breakfast plate.
I hear of the clapping of tires on the small and empty
streets because of the parking in wrong places,
I have witnessed the frustration of the people that cannot drive their car because of their small mistakes.
And having answered, I turn to the people that judge
my city as bad and say to them:
Show me a city with brilliant rolling green hills and magnificent
strong castles,
Not only the greeness, but also the kindness and generosity
of the people.
rest in peace Eric. I Love you so..
AND NOW
It is October and:
On october 20th I was in a really bad car wreck ..((had a seizure while driving, went into oncoming traffic, hit 3 cars and crashed into a big ditch))... And was lucky enough to be the only one injured and not even injured very badly ( just a broken foot, dislocated shoulder and some minor other stuff ) everyone has been telling me how lucky I am to have come out if it alive. And it definitely scared me and gave me a wake up call. I really dont understand how I came out alive and not paralyzed or cut in half. And then what do you know: the first time I am out and about after the wreck, I am sitting at a bus stop and I look down and their is Eric's EMK tag right under the tip of my toes.
I couldn't believe it. To me, it was like he was sending me a message like "I got your back. I am here don't worry. Don't be scared" and I dunno. It was just really overwhelming and weird. And I tried telling my friends here in Reno about it and they just looked at me like yea whatever you are crazy. And yea. I dunno
Another thing that was weird about it was about 2 weeks before the accident I had an aura cleansing and was told that I had a young male presence aggressively holding onto me and would not let me go.
